anxiety/ depression

At this point, i really don't know what is worse; feeling depressed or the constant anxiety. Believing that depression is mixture of all negative moods, i can't seem to put a finger on it; in it's case it's all denial. I really don't know, but i sure do hate these fucking mood swings. One minute i feel as if i'm the happiest person on the face of the earth, the next minute anxiety sets in, and i get really terrified of dying, wich leaves me dwelling upon somber thoughts, and the bittersweet of it all is; i knowing, that there's really no need to search for something, that's already inside of me. There's no need of a search for courage, happiness nor hope, because it's within me, same as death. And i feel it when i'm high on the bad stuff, underneath the sadness burning in my chest, there's death, we carry it in our lives, same as we carry our feelings, moods, emoties and moments. It's what i believe right now.